What is the definition of “making it”?
No…not THAT definition…
But the one I’m living this crazy life for.
Making it. Possibly the most basic explanation is “success in showbusiness”.
It’s always interesting to me, to read autobiographies of musicians and actors, and they are perhaps unaware of the moment when the world becomes aware of them. There is that moment, in each book, when they are doing everything they do…but yet, people react to them differently. There may be a story about: we were walking through the airport, and the crowd was there, and we thought, ‘there must be someone famous here, wonder who it is?’, and it turns out it’s them. They do what they do. They live their art and work their art, but at some point, the world becomes aware of them.
I’ve blogged before about…wondering what success is?
If you define success by achievement and accomplishment. I’m there. I have achieved everything on this journey, except for big money.
Do I do this for the money?
I do it for the freedom. From money comes freedom. From freedom, one can live one’s life as one sees fit.
So, yes I want big money. I want that big paycheck. I work for it, every day of my creative life. But, that’s not the motivation.
I want to live in that bubble of creativity…where one day you write, one day you paint. One day you go to the theatre. One day you cook. Sometimes you share these moments with the people you’ve met on this journey. Some days, you walk the path alone.
It’s beginning to come to me, that’s not what’s going to happen. I won’t ever get to “retire” to that bubble. I suspect the universe has something different in mind for me. It plays out like it plays out.
I have parents who never placed limitations on my abilities. (They taught me how to behave, thank goodness. I’m not talking about manners or things like that.) But…they never said, “Girls can’t play drums.” They never said, “Girls don’t replace fuel pumps on a 305 small block Chevy.” If I wanted to try something, I could try it. If it didn’t suit me…then no problem. They helped me achieve what I wanted…every step of the way. They still do.
Back in the days when I was a reference librarian, I came across an interesting study. I can’t remember the citation, and believe me…I wish I could. Someone had done a study wondering what was the difference between actors/singers/athletes who had achieved success? What was the bottom line, the common denominator? The answer: In all cases in this study, the person had at least one parent who was completely supportive.
So…what started as me…as a child, sitting at my desk and pasting and gluing for hours and hours….look what it turned into!
If the idea comes to me to write plays…I think, “Why the hell not?” And I go research it, study it, and do it.
If there is a movie casting call, and I want to try, I think, “Why not try out?” If you succeed, you succeed. If you fail, then you have a valuable learning experience…and who knows what you’ll take out of this experience for next time?
So…here we are, at the precipice of another year. Quitting isn’t an option for me. I’ll MAKE IT, or die trying.
About 4 years ago, I had a cup of coffee with a man. He asked me why I do all of this?
It had been awhile since I’d been asked that. I fumbled the answer, and didn’t give the answer. It was a few hours later, after the coffee date when I was home alone. And I remembered the answer: Because I can’t NOT do it.
I need this. It’s like oxygen to me.
So…we keep going on…one step at a time.
2013 has been a good year for accomplishments. It’s like the horse racing stall, at the racetrack, when they line up the horses in the starting gate. All my ‘skills’ are lining up, ready to blast off. Just a few more, and that starting gate is full.
So here we are at 2014. It’s a bit scary, not knowing what happens next. You put yourself on the line. I’ve bet my entire life on this gamble…that this is what I’m supposed to do in life. Against odds (what are the chances that anyone succeeds as a musician, as an author, as a filmmaker–much less all three–and then factor in their various subsets? Whoa! Talk about something big!). Against reason or logic. But, just via the belief that THIS is what I’m supposed to do. THIS is where I’m supposed to be.
Call it fate. Call it ‘flying by the seat of your pants’.